Have You Been Talkin’ To Jenny McCarthy

Homeopathic Mad Chick strikes again. This time I saw her in Whole Foods. Trying to avoid her I  detoured down the seafood aisle, but somehow met her face to face. “I thought that was you,” she said, eyes darting from my cart to carts of shoppers.

“Peanut and soy causes fibroid.”

Not responding I changed the subject. “How old is she?” referring to daughter sitting in shopping cart. “How old is he?” referring to son knocking over store display.

“Six months and five years old. He’s in school and they claim he’s under weight. I pack his lunch but they said he needs more protein. I told them he’s on a vegetarian diet.” Offering no suggestions I let her ramble. Peering in my cart again, she said, “I think there was too much mercury in your vaccine. That’s why you have diabetes.” Don’t response, ignore her, don’t response, “You were vaccinated, why don’t you have diabetes? Are you telling me you received a weaker dose?”

“Yes,” while staring at me with those glassy eyes.

“All my classmates received a weaker dose too?”

“Yes, you received the stronger dose.”

“Do you think I have a case,” I laughed.

Ignoring cynicism  she continues, “That’s why my daughter’s not vaccinated.”

“You know she can’t attend school. She can make others sick that are in the beginning stages of getting their vaccines. Have you been talkin’ to Jenny McCarthy? This sounds like a Law & Order Episode where a couple’s unvaccinated child infected everyone at the playground. You could go to jail.”

Not smiling she continued her sequacious monologue, “Whole Foods shouldn’t sell meat, dairy, soy, gelatin, cosmetics…” Anything told to her by the vegetarian crusaders was wrong to eat or apply to skin, Whole Foods shouldn’t sell.

“What’s wrong with gelatin and cosmetics?

“It has pork.”

“Are you sure, because the label reads vegan. And they use a plant base called agar-agar to get the gel consistency for food products.”


“Yeeees. I don’t think Whole Foods wants a  law suit.”

Taking inventory of my cart again, I said, “Do you see something in my cart you want?”


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